How we gather and why it matters

How we gather and why it matters

As process consultants we often facilitate client meetings, so it is easy to fall into familiar patterns that begin to feel mundane. In need of a bit of inspiration to change the routine, I was happy to discover Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering: How we meet and why it matters. There are two concepts that struck me as particularly useful.

The first is the idea of “pop-up rules” for meetings, social gatherings, dinners, etc., to ensure that all participants are operating from the same set of rules, and to not assume how people will interact or behave. Parker suggests that the host should establish some rules at meetings. For instance, at a social gathering a rule might be “no talking about your job” or “the first person to pick up their phone pays the bill.” For a business meeting, a rule might be “people in the same department can’t sit next to each other.”

The other concept somewhat contradicts my values, so I imagine I will have a harder time implementing it. Parker asserts that in our quest for inclusion, we possibly overlook the importance of EXclusion in who should attend a gathering; we are driven by the fear of leaving someone out or being accused of exclusionary practices. I really had to think about this. Part of process consulting is to be iterative and inclusive. We strive to define the “who,” as in who needs to be in the room, why they should participate, what they will contribute or gain, and how they will be engaged. Some take inclusion to the extreme and invite everybody but we have all experienced sitting in a meeting and wondering “Why am I here?” the whole time wishing we were somewhere else. Parker also gives suggestions on how to handle the inclusion/exclusion dilemma in social settings, which can be just as crucial to client relations as a formal board meeting.

If you are intrigued by Parker’s ideas, I suggest viewing her 10-minute Ted Talk at https://www.priyaparker.com/. Her courageous facilitation of a “cage-match” style argument about the future vision of a company will make you glad you took the time to watch it. I know I am.

Written by Kim Stezala

CEO, The Society of Process Consulting

If you'd like to write a blog post for the Society for Process Consulting, please e-mail Lon L. Swartzentruber at lons@designgroupintl.com.